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    Jenny
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    What You Should Know About Finding a Couple to Have a Threesome With

    You’ll probably want to watch some threesome porn to prep.

    It’s one of the most common fantasies around, but when push comes to shove, how do you actually plan a threesome? Four women with very different threesome experiences open up about finding partners, meeting up, expectations, and things they wish they knew beforehand:

    If you’re single, looking to join a threesome:

    1. Using an app might be easier if you feel awkward about meeting people in real life. Where it can be hard to read people’s intentions if you meet a rando couple at a bar (“Are they being friendly, or are they like, tryna fuck?!”), being on a specific threesome app like, Feeld, can make the search a bit easier. Julie W., 28, says “I honestly didn’t know how to go about setting it up in person — I knew I didn’t want such an intimate experience to be with people I already knew because it would be too awkward and uncomfy.” Jennifer*, 33, adds that with apps, “…everyone is on there for the same reasons, so you don’t run the risk of misreading signals.”

    2. But the opportunity may also present itself without you looking. Kenna C., 30, says she was originally just looking for a poly woman to date in a local poly Facebook group, when she discovered that the agreement between this woman and her husband was that they had to date the same want. “I was into him as well, so that worked out well for me,” she says. Emma L., 32, also added that she wasn’t originally looking to have a threesome, but she happened to stumble upon a guy and his girlfriend on OkCupid. “They were both gorgeous, and frankly, it had been a bit, so I messaged them.”

    3. Apps can be good for the “hunt”, but be aware that there’s a lot of “chase” involved. Kenna says with dating apps like Fetlife, Plenty of Fish, and OkCupid where you have a username, it can be harder to keep in touch with potential matches. Finding someone who is actually serious about meeting up and having a threesome, rather than just seeing what’s out there, can be harder to find.

    4. Have a conversation about safe sex — both physically and emotionally. Ask about the couple’s sexual health history and how they communicate with each other. Kenna says she makes sure to see test results before having sex, discusses their safe sex methods, and makes sure the couple won’t have feelings of jealousy that arise from the threesome. “I want us all to be on the same page before we are in the same bed.” she says.

    5. Have a few dates before you get down to business. Kenna says she they meet face-to-face three times before the act. “One date so they could just meet me offline. One so we could have some more time to get to know each other (we had our first kiss after this date) and one with just me and the husband so he could also establish a connection since I originally was just interested in dating his wife.”

    6. Pick a public place to meet. Julie says she picked a crowded place with lots of people around, carried pepper spray, and told a friend she’d be meeting a couple and shared her location with her just in case. Jennifer adds that she kept herself safe by picking a very public bar in an area she was very familiar with.

    7. Have a “safe call” established before meeting anyone. Kenna explains that a “safe call” is a friend who knows where you’re going, has the address you’re going to, and checks in with you throughout the evening. “If things go well, I can tell them it’s great. If things are not good — the couple is fighting, they had too much to drink, whatever — I have someone who knows, and can meet up with me after for some support.”

    8. Trust your gut, and don’t worry about hurting people’s feelings if you get a weird vibe. Jennifer says she goes with her gut and doesn’t get drunk too fast. “Don’t feel pressured, if you get a weird feeling in a message, block and move on. Don’t worry about hurting anyone’s feelings.” Better to be safe and possibly offend than ignoring your gut instincts out of a need to feel polite. You have instincts for a reason!

    9. Watch threesome porn to prep. Julie says watching female-centric threesome porn to prep and give you some ideas definitely helped. Or, brush up on some threesome sex positions for MMF, FFM, FFF threesomes, so you have a game plan.

    10. You will probably have an easier time finding partners as a “unicorn.” Julie says as a unicorn, she received a lot of interest and feedback.

    11. Treat it like any other online date, in the sense that it’s okay to say no at any time if you feel uncomfortable. Emma says “don’t feel pressured just because going on a threesome date seems more like immediate gratification than other online dates.”

    12. Don’t worry too much about getting distracted. Emma adds that “Even if it’s not a matter of needing to pay attention to someone else’s needs while you’re getting fucked, I’ve had situations where the guy was handling both of us, but then the other girl’s orgasm would distract me from my own.”

    13. Don’t worry if your threesome fantasy doesn’t live up to the movies. Kenna says in her case, “The husband was more into watching her and I have sex and maybe getting in on a blowjob. He was 15 years older than us, so his stamina wasn’t as high as ours. We didn’t mind it in the least and really enjoyed getting to focus on each other.”

    14. You might have more fun as a single person joining a couple. Emma who has had other threesomes, says she had a lot of fun at this threesome in particular because both her partners were very attentive to her.

    15. You might enjoy finding a couple that’s had a couple of threesomes worth of experience under their belts. Julie says finding a couple that had experience with threesomes made her feel better since they knew what they were doing.

    16. You might be totally blown away by how easy it all was. Julie says it had been on her bucket list for a while, but after her experience the opportunities were seemingly endless. Jennifer also added that if she had known how fun and easy it was, she would’ve tried it earlier.

    If you’re part of a couple, looking to find a third for your threesome:

    1. You might also find it easier to approach people online. Kenna, who has also had a threesome as a couple who brought in a third, says her and her boyfriend at the time used a site called FetLife to find their third. “It was more fun to use the app because we could look at people’s photos and their interests that we couldn’t see by just looking at them in person. Also, we were able to scroll through hundreds of people by location and send them messages asking if they were interested in talking to us. This was way less intimidating than going up to someone in real life and the kind of rejection we could face.”

    2. Go over sexual health history. It’s still very important to go over sexual health history and discuss safe sex.

    3. Check your jealousy. Kenna says “Going into a relationship that is already established as the third, you really only have to worry about yourself. When you add a third, you have to worry about you, them and the new person getting jealous. Make sure you can do that labor or set very clear boundaries about what feels good in the moment – both physically and emotionally.”

    4. Set your boundaries in advance. Kenna says, since they met her third on a BDSM site, they also went over BDSM interests to see if everyone’s tastes lined up and what each person was comfortable with. But even if you didn’t meet your third on a BDSM site, it’s still important to discuss what each person wants to get out of the experience, so expectations are clearly discussed.

    5. Ask your third to set up a “safe call.” Just like when she was the third joining a couple, Kenna says when she and her boyfriend were coordinating a threesome together, it was still important that the third person joining had a “safe call” set up. “We wanted her to know that her safety was key,” she says. Think of it like Ubers. At the very least, having a record of who was with who makes it easier to protect all parties involved in case someone leaves their jacket in the car or something.

    6. If you think you might need to check in with your partner afterwards, let your third know upfront that she can’t stay the night. Kenna, says her and her boyfriend needed time afterwards to check in, talk about any feelings that came up, and see if they had enjoyed themselves.

    7. Set up a group text. Kenna says starting a group chat ensured that all the flirting that happened between parties was shared simultaneously between the three of them.

    Originally Posted By Cosmopolitan

    By Carina Hsieh

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